To R., sometimes I still miss you…
“The importan thing is not “not be mad”, is to be mad in the same way” (Irene, winter 2013)
“We are all mad here” (Cheshire Cat – Alice in Wonderland)
The black-haired girl looked to the other one
– What do you like in him? –
She sighed, curling on the couch, tormenting her lower lip with the hand; from the dark corner her thin voice spread out all over the room in a murmur
– His monsters –
The girl with the black hair wrinkled her forehead
– His…. monsters? – asked
The other one just nodded
– We share monsters… –
– Something not so happy to share, eh? –
– On the contrary, it is… –
– Really? –
The girl nodded again
– It’s like to look in a mirror, a very scary one….but is also a mirror that gives back almost only the beautiful things of yourself –
– I’m not sure to understand… –
– I know. No one ever understands…what means to be able to don’t think about what you’re saying, for once…just for once… –
She closed the eyes and her mind flew fast to a memory: a ceiling.
It was just a wood ceiling, and a voice…
“Did….did I scare you? I’m sorry, I’m really sorry…”
She shook her head, smiling
“No, at all…being honest I feel very happy right now”
“Happy?” the voice was surprised
“I thought the same things, and I never told them to anyone….’cause are scary things…and people would think that I’m mad…and dangerous –
“Really? The same?”
She nodded and smiled again
“Perfectly the same. And I’m happy ‘cause I feel so less weird now….and so less alone”
The voice of the girl took her back into the darkness of the room
– Why are you so sad? –
She opened her eyes again
– I don’t know well…just….I feel sad. Tomorrow will be all ok, don’t worry –
– Sure? –
She nodded in silence
– It’ just…so difficult…to let this thing goes…but I’ll be fine, really –
– But you’re not loosing nothing, you know it, don’t you? –
She nodded again, with a sad gaze
– I know, I just have to push this thing somewhere, in a dark corner of my mind and stop to think about it…-
The other one stood up
– Just try to not get hurt too much, and look for a life of your own – said hugging her – Goodnight, and stop to be sad –
– Goodnight and thanks, everything will be fine tomorrow, really, don’t worry –
She remained alone in the big, dark room, looking the night; from the darkness a black mist crowded by eyes and mouths came out, and a huge group of strange monsters, crawling on the floor, gathered to her feet, looking at her with worried gazes.
– Don’t worry guys, everything will be fine –
A monster with small eyes and sharped teeth approached, ad she extended an hand to caress him gently.
While the monster was pushing his face on her palm happily like a cat, the girl looked at the other side of the room.
He was there, sitting silently in the corner…he had no face, and a pair of marvelous, huge, plumed black wings.
– The Death’s Angel….who other you could be? –
The boy hid the face in his hands
– You don’t want to be something so evil…..it is why you are so sad, isn’t it? –
She stood up and the darkness wrapped her like a beautiful dress, she walked slowly through the room with her train by monsters and black mist; She knelt to him
– Poor monster…so scared….and so sad –
She caressed gently his hand
– Don’t be scared, we are your friends….I know why you are here, but it isn’t your fault, really….it’s me…it’s all inside me….and I’m so sorry for this, so sorry to have given you this role –
She looked into the darkness
– Look! That one is one of yours, I would ever give a such shape to a monster; Everything will be fine, come on, look, I have someone that protects me… –
She pointed the opposite corner; the boy rose his head and “looked”: the Santa Muerte bowed deeply to him.
– She is here to protect me from the Death, the real one…she won’t let me to get lost again –
The girl murmured gently, then smiled
– Do you see? I’m still looking for my own starlight…but sometimes the only thing you can do is domesticate your own monsters…in some way you finish to love them.
So, don’t be sad…even if you are one of them now…you’re only my fear to get lost again…and in some way you are necessary too –
A little, crystalline tear dropped from the monster’s face, she took it and put on her forehead.
The little gem was sparkling in the dark.
– I have a crown made by madness, and a cape by darkness and monsters and fears….this is what I am, after all…in this little kingdom in my head…populated by scary things, scary and at the same time frightened things…and I’m one of them….the first of them…I am the Queen of the Monsters –