to Francis, Loz and all the friends no more here, what you taught me will keep you for ever in my heart. Thanks.
“If we have the sun, guys, our day is made!” (Francis Flash)
It’s like 2 days that I’m listening “Black Cat, White Cat”’s (by E. Kusturica and G. Bregovic) soundtrack no stop…..
This remembers me of some years ago, a beautiful summer in which I was sharing a nice flat on the Dora river with Thid…
We were used spend our nights drinking and talking about every kind of stuff, in the daytime, instead, we cooked nice food…sundrying Romanian spices on the balcony.
We were a bit boozers, and a bit witches.
The fascination for the gypsy’s life has already conquered us…(well, about me, it’s something in my blood that I just cannot refuse…with my sisters we call it “the Romanian calling”).
Well, for the first time in many years I have the same feelings again.
It’s a feeling really difficult to explain….I’m pretty sure that she knows what I’m talking about….we just call it “the nomad instinct”.
That isn’t only the feeling of hitting the road, and go.
It’s something different, has a lot to do with your inner part.
It’s a feeling about complete freedom, not about what you can do, but about what you can feel.
It’s like a break from the norms, you just feel that you’re different, made in another way…but is a feeling less heavy than how you expect, it’s silky…ironic in some way.
You basically find a little funny everything around you.
And the rest of the feelings inside you is on the same way…a strange mix of romanticism, kitsch, freedom, surrealism and fairytale.
It’s that way to love directly coming from the characters of a Kusturica’s movie: a bit tactless and a bit magic.
In which, in some way, you feel that everything will finish in a weird happy end.
Eh, the happy end.
I remember a long discussion about the happy end, my happy end.
‘Cause my unsinkable optimism leads me of believing in the happy end with no chances.
Actually, I WANT to believe in the happy end.
‘Cause I WANT a fuckin’ happy end in my life.
But…what an happy end is?
Eh, that is the difficult part….it’s so difficult to find a clear image.
‘Cause it’s changing all the time, every time that you finally conquered what you wanted, you want immediately something else.
Some people just suggested me to stop and be happy with what I have.
Mmmmh, it doesn’t sound like something I can do.
But, you see, sometimes an happy end just means to be happy.
Not for ever, not all the time.
Here and now.
This is maybe something that we nomads are able to understand and catch better than other people, ‘cause we know well that nothing is for ever.
People come and go, love, feelings, cities, countries….as well.
Sometimes happy end is just dancing like crazy ‘till the ending of the music.
Sweating out everything.
And looking back there’s really few about normal happiness in my life.
But there’s a lot about nice people, crazy trips, amazing sharing, beauty found in industrial archeology places, happy collective dreams and monsters fought together.
This is a nomad’s life.
This is my life.
So, beyond all the fears, the desires, and everything…I feel mainly grateful, for all which I lived, and saw and felt.
For all the people met along my way.
For who stayed and still stay, and who is gone, for who is not on this earth anymore, but taught me that if we have the sun, our day is made.
Yep this is something that we often forget…too much lost in stupid everyday things…being grateful for the sun.
And the wind, and the love, and the happiness.
I’m grateful to me and my life.
I’m grateful, and happy.
I remember that years ago, in that kitchen on the Dora river, talking about my happy end, I had basically a great desire of revenge.
With years violence has flowed away, but a big desire stayed.
It’s revenge in the nomad way.
It’s screaming loud “you wanted me dead, instead I’m alive and happy….in all the things in which you failed. I’m free. And most of all….most important of everything….I have the truth. Truth enlightens my life, brings the sun, and the warmth. I don’t have to run away anymore from anything.”
Stay happy people, take care….and believe in your own happy end! ;)