“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
(Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland)
The “new mail” warble captured her attention, Leonora skipped quickly the windows till the mail software.
The mail was from the man that she was seeing in that period, the subject was just “you”; Leonora opened it and read the text inside, it was a long paragraph from “The girl with the dragon tattoo”, the description of Lisbeth Salander.
20 minutes later her phone rang, his name flashed on the screen, for a long moment Leonora stared the phone, then put off the sound and didn’t pick up.
After another hour an IM appeared on the laptop’s screen:
– Did you receive my mail? –
– yes. –
– Did you read it? :P –
– yes. –
– So, what do you think? I think she i quite similar to you! :P :P –
– are you telling me that I’m a crazy, disturbed, emotionless punk bitch with an addiction to computers, that loves motorbikes and could go killing randomly serial rapists? –
– Well, I didn’t mean in a such hard way…. –
– it’s totally fuckin true, now tell me something I dunno yet. –
– Do you want see me for a coffee tomorrow? .
– fine. –
The next day the man was looking to her with astonished gaze
– Do you ever smile, girl? –
– Sometimes. – she answered drinking another sip of the red wine, and lighting a cigarette.
– You know….I have a friend, he has a company…they make some kind of investigations, cheating, that kind of stuff…maybe I could speak with him… –
– I’m not interested in that shit. –
– You’re good in that kind of stuff… –
– I don’t work for privacy’s violators… –
– But you need a job! –
– Better starve than that shit. –
– As you want, girl –
The man sat nearer and tried to caress her hair
– You know…you should pay more attention…I mean, we didn’t see each other for a very long time…you’re alone, in my house…no one knows you’re here… could be really dangerous for a such little girl…-
He let his hand slip down, ‘till her neck, his strong fingers sourrounded it.
She didn’t react, her face was totally lacking of any kind of emotion.
Suddendly he felt the cold feeling of the metal on the skin; looked down: a butterfly knife was caressing his hip.
He rose the gaze again to her emotionless face:
– 3 different persons know my gps position, your name, address, and the rest…if I don’t call them in 10 hours you’re fucked. –
– Fuckin’ smart bitch –
– As you can see, I’m quite able of taking care of myself without any man. –
A quick, creepy smile flashed on her face, then she put away the knife and drank another wine, as nothing would ever happened
– An interesting mystery, this is what you’re… –
He jumped on his feet
– Look, I’ve something for you! I would like if you wear it tomorrow for the lunch –
he gave to her a bag, she opened it and took out a white dress with a motif of small blue flowers.
She threw the dress on the side of the couch
– No fuckin way. –
– Why? Do you don’t like it? – he asked surprised
– It’s horrible, I will not wear any disgusting barbie’s dress, I will come at the lunch with my clothes –
– Are you sure? With those rags? –
She looked at the short tartan skirt, and the black, worn out, t-shirt with a nerd print.
– I will come with my clothes, or I won’t come at all. –
[3 DAYS LATER]
The IM were piling on the phone while Leonora was staring the black screen in front of her; after 35 minutes the phone rang.
She picked up with a super annoyed voice
– What? –
– Leonora, I sent you like 35 texts…why didn’t you reply? –
– I was busy. –
– Busy? What “busy” means? –
– I was studying –
– Studying? –
– Yes, I was making some tests with my friend before but then we saw that something wasn’t working good, so we’re trying to fix the problem now –
– Ah…now I understand, nerd stuff…- the irritation in the man’s voice was clear.
– Yes, nerd stuff…and so? – the girl’s tone has became aggressive.
– I think we have to speak… –
– Fine. –
– See you tomorrow for a coffee. –
She was staring the man in the eyes, smoking…he was talking with a voice mixed between rage and sarcasm.
– I’ve done everything I could…really, you even didn’t want kiss me in public….nor my presents….I want a normal life with you, you deserve a normal life, Leonora! –
Her face was a mask of rage
– I don’t want a normal life, I don’t need of being saved, I’m not in this situation ‘cause it’s happened to me…I chose it. I love my life. I love to be free of doing the fuck I want when I want it…I love my nerd friends, I love my study, my meetings, my rave parties and my punk gigs…I don’t want a fuckin Barbie’s life. Why did you choose me, if you want a Barbie? –
– ‘Cause you’re beautiful, and incredibly smart…and magic, and I want help you out with your problems….you know, you’re antisociality and stuff –
– I like my antisociality as well. I don’t have to be social if I don’t feel like. –
– What a bullshit, who told you this? Your super amazing nerd friend? That is normal to be like you’re….you’re emotionless, an icy bitch, you push people away, you make them soffer, you hurt them, you’re a selfish kid. –
She uncovered the theet like a wolf
– I’m who I’m….I don’t owe any explanation to you! And don’t speak about my friends. you don’t know them, but anyway…they are such better than you! –
He smiled with pity
– Such a shame, a smart girl like you…-
She rose the middle finger
– Go to fuck off, loser –
She stood up and walked away quickly, leaving the man alone at the table.
After 10 minutes she took the phone out of her pocket and composed feverishly the number, with the eyes full of tears.
– Hey it’s me….are you at home? Can I pass by for a tea? – she waited, listening something from the other end. – Yes, with him…I’ll tell you later…see you in 20 minutes –
30 minutes later she was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea in front, puking out all the story with rage; the boy on the other chair listened in silence, nodding once in a while.
– so…. – she finished, suddendly her eyes became full of tears again – tell me, am I such an horrible person? Am I cruel? And feelingless? –
The boy smiled and shook his head
– You’re the sweetest person that I know, girl. That stuff…just bullshits, you can be difficult and, of course, you’re not normal…but you’re cute….and amazing. He didn’t want leave you your space and way…and what we say to those people? –
She smiled between the tears
– To fuck off? –
He smiled and nodded again, hugging her.
– To fuck off. There’s nothing wrong in you, remember it. Look for someone that doesn’t want change you… –